The Evil Shower Monster

So I took a shower today!! This may seem like an easy everyday task for most people but to someone who has depression or bipolar this can be an AMAZING gold star moment for every given day.  Pretty sad really but it really is the truth.

It is simple everyday things that I face that have been the most challenging for me lately.  The Evil Shower Monster is just one of these tasks.  Cleaning, making dinner, putting on make up, leaving the house, etc these are all things I have been struggling with.  At night before I go to sleep I think "Tomorrow I will finally get things together.  Maybe clean the bathroom, pick up the living room and vacuum and maybe even make dinner."  Then I wake up and it is the same old routine.  Looking at the house and all the things I want to get done and not being able to get up to do them.

To someone who does not have depression or bipolar you maybe thinking " Just get up and make an effort" or "Shake it off" or my favorite "You just need to stop being lazy"  NO ONE likes not being able to function like a normal person.  This is not something that you can just shake off.  Family, friends and society are understanding to a certain point.  After a while you can see it in their eyes......

"They Really just are not trying to get better"

 "They really are lazy"

 "I think they are making this up" 

"I do not under stand why they just don't try harder."

It is very hard for everyone involved.  Honestly I am exhausted.  I just want to feel better and go back to work.  I know that my current job is toxic for me but I really would like to feel better so I can go back and have the motivation to start looking into a career that better fits me.  Hard to think of these things when it is so hard to even take a shower in the morning.

Right now I guess the best I can do is to face the Evil Shower Monster as many times as I can each week and press on.  Go to the doctor, take the pills and pray.  Eventually things have to get better right??

Until next time

Laura